Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children.
To what extent do you agree.
There is a belief that what is shown in media about celebrity will have negative impacts on kids. I partly disagree (...) of the coverage of media on celebrities will fully affected the children in negative way.
First of all, media is one of nowadays society's basic needs, especially for people who want to get certain information. Whether they are in printed form or in digital version, media provides the best solution in accessing informations. However, celebrities as part of society that are being presented in media in hope to become one of role models especially for growing kids, must be cautious because their behaviours are being shown in media. In most cases, celebrities that are also human beings have a slip in tongue or intentionally or accidentally do wrongdoings. These somehow can be prevented if society from the beginning doesn't perceived them as equal to God and idolized them only in certain manner or perspective. For instance, parents must teach their kids that only a certain set of celebrity's behaviors that are acceptable in regard to social norm, while the rest of it is the same as mere human's wrongdoings.
The next is for government to actively play part in legal aspect for media coverage such as what kind of image or video that can be shown in media, what hours do the shows can be played in television, while it is also sleep hours for children, what content of media coverage which appropriate for kids, and the rating system that can be applied regarding to the content.
In conclusion, media's coverage on celebrities can be harmful to children because (...) the media's basic function to deliver informations. Therefore, certain limitations, manners, actions, and legals need to be provided.
Corrections:
Replace the word "kids" with children
...partly disagree with the idea that the coverage of media...
...will fully affected the children (infinitive setelah modal)
in printed form or in digital version, whatever comes before and after the conjunction "or", make it even
...solutions for accessing...
Information is uncountable noun and hence can never use "s" inflection
...with a hope that they will become one of role models...
say something inappropriate instead of have a slip in tongue
do wrongdoings intentionally or accidentally, put the adverb at the end so that the conjunctions are not to close
can be prevented in the first place if society...
you already have a connector 'that' at the beginning so just omit the later
Use furthermore istead of The next
...aspect of media coverage
...can be broadcasted on television
whether a program disrupts children's rest time or not
which content is appropriate...
media coverage
...because of the media's...
-Ross
Corrections:
Replace the word "kids" with children
...partly disagree with the idea that the coverage of media...
...will fully affected the children (infinitive setelah modal)
in printed form or in digital version, whatever comes before and after the conjunction "or", make it even
...solutions for accessing...
Information is uncountable noun and hence can never use "s" inflection
...with a hope that they will become one of role models...
say something inappropriate instead of have a slip in tongue
do wrongdoings intentionally or accidentally, put the adverb at the end so that the conjunctions are not to close
can be prevented in the first place if society...
you already have a connector 'that' at the beginning so just omit the later
Use furthermore istead of The next
...aspect of media coverage
...can be broadcasted on television
whether a program disrupts children's rest time or not
which content is appropriate...
media coverage
...because of the media's...
-Ross
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